Destiny
The kind from Satan, the kind from Jinn, and the kind from Allah
Two Fridays ago was the last Friday of my life.
But it was only the life I have been trying to dispose; the life I wished I never had, but had accepted anyway. Gazing back on the past months, I was reminded of the pain in 2006. After the severe ditch, I was down with chicken pox and within 3 weeks later, dengue had struck me as well; all this craziness in addition to my massive depression. Strange, I almost died, but I did not. I remembered wishing for death, praying for it more than I have ever prayed for myself, yet nothing happened.
So recently, a fine young man asked me, “Do you know who you are?” My usual self would have been, “Like do you?” While I felt it was pointless to attempt such a vague question, my leap of wonder strived to fulfill the probable enlightenment and significance that the interrogator had sought. Then in my mind, I down a shot of tequila. Oh no, perhaps a gun to my forehead. “I can’t really describe it, but I am almost there.” Now, that is who I truly am; always honesty above the ideals of life. At one end of the spectrum, he was Melanie, charging himself from zero, while my battery life was deteriorating from full to probably sixty percent. That’s what happens when I become reluctant to feel like just someone’s mental holiday. Yet, the greater good that had emerged from the whole conversation, was that I stopped talking too much eventually. I had died a slow painful death from the shot of his arrogance.
For someone who was frustratingly blaming with his ex for not being able to understand and embrace his life interests, I was surprised by how his impression towards success had seemed as conditional anyway. Common entitlement, honored recognition, stipulated achievements; the extreme black or white, like hair without frills, stern and straight like disgusting hard-on. Aspirations, to me, are justified by the significance of your sincere contributions towards making a difference in someone else’s life. Seriously, hasn’t anyone realize why all of us are placed in this world in a lump sum? Maybe, just maybe, we need each other, one way or another. Thus, it is only the manner of needs that varies. So, just a heed of advice to this man; life is not about overcoming challenges that you seek yourself, life is about overcoming risks that have been donned on you. Go figure that out first, before you try to figure me.
Things have changed ever since I had conquered the Pondok. I heard that it used to be a jovial meeting point for people from various departments. However, during my very first whole month of work, I had sat there alone without a single soul passing by. Lately, everyday is a different encounter, a different conversation, a different feast – I am the official lunch whore. Despite the growing number of patrons recently, a seat for me is always available. Today, lunch was exceptionally momentous. I saw multiple packets of Nasi Padang, as all the crazy old chaps from my father’s generation, gather in harmony. The aura was splendid; of dirty vintage jokes, of men-associated gossips and the profound union of brotherhood. The Pondok used to be just a plain cemented lunch table at the alfresco area within my office, but now it has a detachable umbrella too. It is no longer a lonely hidey-hole, but a harmonious getaway towards a glimpse of delight at work.
And there you have it. I came back from my healing with only one purpose for the rest of my life; to serve happiness. I do not mind living it up as everyone’s McDonald’s Happy Meal, every single day. Hence, my core intentions, my decisions and my actions shall induce only that. But if my passion does not intrigue you, it shall not embrace you.
So, how can I make you happy today?










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